Living In A Home With Alcoholism.. in GIFS
If you grew up in a home with alcoholism,
or live in one now;
You should be able to relate.
“I don’t have a drinking problem, I’m great at it.”
The Family Cookouts
The Helpless Children at The Family Cookouts
The Conflict Resolution
One time my dad got pissed and threw a chair outside, shut the door,
then walked back outside a few seconds later to throw it again.
& Couldn’t tell you how many phones we went through.
Sorry to the few friends that came over & to anyone who can relate to this.
Living In A Home With Alcoholism
We were raised by people who made us or even preferred us to be emotionally inept.
If you’re living in a home with alcoholism; the truth is their enemy and you probably feel ashamed to mention the addiction or even acknowledge their problem to yourself.
It took me years of working with a therapist to unravel my feelings, create healthy boundaries and come to grips with reality.
Read some of the stuff below and see if anything seems familiar.
I’ll put a couple links below too. They are free.
It can help to have support, listen to other stories, and have others listen to you.
Take the advice that feels right, leave the rest, and always consider your source.
being an adult child of an alcoholic
Many of us found that we had several characteristics in common as a result of being brought up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional household. We had come to feel isolated and uneasy with other people, especially authority figures.
To protect ourselves, we became people-pleasers, even though we lost our own identities in the process. All the same we would mistake any personal criticism as a threat. We either became alcoholics (or practiced other addictive behavior) ourselves, or married them, or both. Failing that, we found other compulsive personalities, such as a workaholic, to fulfill our sick need for abandonment.
We lived life from the standpoint of victims. Having an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, we preferred to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. We got guilt feelings when we stood up for ourselves rather than giving in to others. Thus, we became reactors, rather than actors, letting others take the initiative.
We were dependent personalities, terrified of abandonment, willing to do almost anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to be abandoned emotionally. Yet we kept choosing insecure relationships because they matched our childhood relationship with alcoholic or dysfunctional parents.
These symptoms of the family disease of alcoholism or other dysfunction made us “co-victims”, those who take on the characteristics of the disease without necessarily ever taking a drink. We learned to keep our feelings down as children and kept them buried as adults.
As a result of this conditioning, we confused love with pity, tending to love those we could rescue. Even more self-defeating, we became addicted to excitement in all our affairs, preferring constant upset to workable relationships.
This is a description, not an indictment.
The Laundry List – Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic
- We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
- We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
- We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
- We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
- We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
- We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
- We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
- We became addicted to excitement.
- We confuse love and pity and tend to “love” people we can “pity” and “rescue.”
- We have “stuffed” our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).
- We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
- We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
- Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
- Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.
Tony A., 1978
There are actually more laundry lists than this, you can read them here.
Articles Related to What It’s Like Living In A Home With Alcoholism.. in GIFS
A non profit organization that offers TONS of free support.
They have one on one services and group/workshops. I have joined some of their PTSD groups.
ACOA changed my life. I know that many others feel the same admiration for this program. They have guidelines to ensure that you feel safe. Plus, it’s all free.
Don’t be turned off if you’re not living in a home with alcoholism; alcohol aside; there are tons of people that are just as welcome as anyone else.
I prefer the in-person groups personally, but there are TONS of virtual groups too.