6 Childhood Deprivations

Responsible For Our Porn Preferences

childhood deprivations

Trigger Warning: Graphic stories of sexual acts including mention of rape, incest, animals & feces.

If you ever sift through pornhub you know a video exists for everyone, and I mean everyone. If you’re ever curious why some weird shit resinates, me too. I’m going to explore a rationale for some of the most strange & extreme porn themes.

How Childhood Deprivation Impacts Sexual Desires

Getting to the root of sexual fantasies requires us to rewind a bit. Our childhood deprivations and experiences carve out our insecurities, leaving voids that we need filled (no pun intended).

So what does this have to do with sex? Well, sex is a form of intimacy & intimacy is heavily influenced by our feelings.

How we feel is influenced by our past experiences, personalities and physiological responses (emotions). 

Emotions caused from childhood deprivations have the ability to leave a powerful & lasting impression on us.

Environmental Deprivation Examples:

When uncle Frank gets belligerent drunk and throws a chair at Thanksgiving in front of all the kids, their amygdala responds and creates a cascade of events in the body; raising blood pressure, increasing heart rate, sending oxygen to the brain increasing alertness.

The adults in the room know that Frank just drank a little too much & does this every Thursday.

Mom shields the kids away, comforts them back into a calm state & will reconsider future events that uncle Frank attends.

But what about the child that lives with Uncle Frank and it’s just the two of them since Mom left him 8 years ago?

Early deprivation and trauma creates a child deprived of affection, approval, attention & healthy attachment. Even robbed of freedom of expression, since Maslow’s Hierarchy says you need safety before you can get to that. 

childhood deprivation

Addiction is just one story line with a pattern of childhood deprivation & there are many others

  • Hyperreligious families
  • Control freak parents
  • Perfection Parents
  • Physically abusive parents
  • Neglected, abandoned, transient kids

…Just to name a few.

These themes begin to influence our greatest desires.

The direction that certain childhood deprivations take us and to what degree is different for everyone.

Plenty of people have “normal” sexual desires; but normal or not, they’re usually influenced by an unmet need & probably one of these childhood deprivations ↓

  • Control
  • Affection
  • Attention
  • Freedom of Expression
  • Approval
  • Attachment

Sometimes we find ourselves yearning for these repeatedly or maybe even just one really shitty experience left a lasting impact.

If sex is a form of intimacy (some might argue the ultimate form of intimacy), It makes sense that our greatest desires manifest within the context of sex.

Here are some popular porn themes & the childhood deprivations they’re fulfilling.

Porn Genres Explained

Don’t Turn Around

You know the scenes where the babysitter is giving the guy head and his wife is standing an arms length away obliviously doing the dishes?

It’s erotic because it’s an extreme form of self-expression. It’s a pretty out there story-line, but it’s happening & blatantly next to someone who it shouldn’t be; the wife.

The person getting off to this likely lacked the ability to express themselves.

Maybe it was a religious family where even dating was out of the question. Maybe mom picked out the kids outfits until 11th grade or forced them into dance their entire childhood. Our control is taken away in tons of different ways during childhood.

These scenes really hit the button of outward expression by doing whatever the f*ck we want, and WHEREVER we want.

But what about when the wife turns around and miraculously joins instead of slicing someone? Well isn’t that some acceptance if I ever did see it. This porno provides you a beautiful display of self-expression and even acceptance; two common childhood deprivations.

The Handy Man/Pool Boy/Electrician

You can’t leave out the stud bending someone over who reluctantly doesn’t want to participate, but to their surprise it was exactly what they were missing in life.

These themes are popular because they play on multiple childhood deprivations

  • Approval
    • The one who makes the advance in the film went STRAIGHT into the realm of taboo by bending a stranger over, then they love it? That’s mastering approval for both people involved.
  • Control
    • For the person that makes the advance, it’s obviously a good way to exhibit control.
    • For the one that didn’t ask; this can be equally arousing because they’re enjoying what the other ACTUALLY wanted. For someone who did whatever mom said their entire childhood & didn’t enjoy it; that can be appealing.
    • If someone lives in a state of shame or powerlessness the scene is appealing because they get to have what they wanted by being forced, which frees them of the familiar feeling of shame.
  • Affection
    • Depends on the film… BUT the people in these films are acting as strangers & there isn’t much context of who they are, who they’re with, etc. Which  allows the film to capture affection without the distractions of a longstanding relationship. 
  • Attention– yes.
  • Freedom of Expression– sure.

Incest Porn

In most cultures sexual relations among family members is not okay. We all know they’re not really related but people are still drawn to the arousal of the storyline. By “arousal” I mean something that captures attention and stimulates us.

The concept is alluring because its depicting self expression about something that’s forbidden in our society. 

It’s a different storyline than the “Don’t Turn Around” theme, but still serves the childhood deprivation of freedom of expression

Rape porn touches on similar childhood deprivations with the addition of control by doing something so invasive without consent. 

The Casting Couch

  • Control
    • I’m not sure what you call the guy who bangs her then decides if she’s worthy but he certainly has control & that’s a huge piece of the sexual excitement.
  • Approval
    • Here is the other treasure trove. The boss man of porn bangs her then determines she’s worthy of being paid for her arousing features; how flattering. 
  • Affection
    • Again, depends on the film but there is usually some degree of affection involved.
  • Attention
    • The one auditioning has the spotlight & the boss man has her full attention.
  • Freedom of Expression
    • Working in the porn industry is somewhat taboo so applying for a position there (or running the place) can touch on freedom of expression..
  • Attachment– nah

Spitting, Peeing, Shaming

So what about these ones?

Spitting on, peeing on, making fun of penis size, and other degradation follows the concept that shame is being eroticized.  It might seem confusing that shame can empower and even turn someone on, but degradation play is actually doing the opposite.

Turning shame into something erotic takes two people that are willing to trust each other & together they challenge the feeling of inadequacy by making it erotic.

Feeling shame is pretty powerful & often asked to be hidden, but if your partner is outwardly pulling your shame into the environment & is aroused by it; that’s pretty accepting, often still includes affection & certainly gives attention. One could maybe argue that control is a piece too. Becoming empowered by your darkest secrets or being trusted with someone else’s could easily be a play on power.

Here is one example ↓

“I have a small penis and have been self-conscious about it most of my life. It has affected me greatly with sex and dating. Recently, I got naked for the first time with a girl that I have been dating. I told her that I didn’t have a big penis right beforehand, I guess to prepare her, and she answered, “Well, let’s see if that little dick fits all the way down my throat.” It was so cool. I got so turned on, I immediately got hard. She noticed too and ever since then, I’ve been getting really excited and hard when she makes other comments about my penis size. The worse the comment is, the better.” Source

Shame isn’t the underlying feature, acceptance is.

What About Shitting Though? 

Childhood Deprivations

2 girls 1 cup? The technical term is Coprophilia & the definition varies a bit but involves being turned on by

  • Defecating on someone
  • Watching someone defecate on someone else
  • Being defecated on
  • Actually ingesting defecation
  • Playing in poo

Did you know that Hitler enjoyed this? I didn’t until today. It’s been said that he enjoyed being “shat” on, peed on, slapped, verbally abused & having sex with men.

There really isn’t a lot of research about the fetish of poo being eroticized, but maybe some insight from someone who enjoys it will shed some light.

“When I was young, I hated bowel movements. It felt gross and stuff. After discovering masturbation, I eased my bowel movements by masturbating. It felt good, and my bowel movements weren’t so gross. I don’t know how it happened but the two finally caught up to each other and I became accustomed to the smell when I masturbated. Everything escalated as time went on, I’ve been in this fetish for a while now – since I was 12 years old. I am 18 now” source

Another possible influence is that when we’re sexually aroused we’re less disgusted. A lot of people stumble into it by accident & to their own surprise enjoy it so much that they begin seeking it out.

One guy’s girlfriend accidentally farted in his face & it went from there…  Other people claim they liked the taste. I’m not sure what to think but I read some of the most incredible stories learning about it. 

Due to the length and detail of the stories I won’t include them here but I’ll put a link to some below.

How People Stumble Into Poop Fetish

Zoophilia & Beastiality

Zoophilia: A fixation or desire for sexual contact with animals that typically involves an emotional connection

Beasteality: The act of sexual activity with animals without consent that typically does not involve an emotional connection

Of course an animal can’t really give “consent” . But, using food to entice animals to lick body parts is a thing and deciding if it’s right or wrong gets kinda blurry because the animal is willing... 

It’s certainly a controversial moral and legal topic. In most places beaseality is illegal but zoophilia isn’t a problem until it’s gets to be a significant barrier in a person’s life. Then, it’s a disorder and still not illegal.  

Usually with Zoophilia; affection, attention, and approval are the heart of it & I would take a guess that someone who struggles with zoophilia is lacking intimacy with other people and experienced childhood deprivation. Just like the poop fetish; a lot of people stumbled into it by accident.

Here is one take on it: 

“When I was like 12 I spent the weekend at an older cousin house and he was strange he showed me pictures of a woman named linda Lovelace and she was blowing a donkey and a german Shepherd dog in the pictures but at that age I never even thought about sex I used to play with my toys oh and he had playgirl magazines he showed me but I didn’t think nothing of it so I’m wondering if my what ever you want to call it came from that”

Here’s another:

“About 10 years ago I would often go to my friend’s house and the male dog they had (I’m also a male) even after the first time I went there it was all over me. It would jam it’s face in my ass sniffing away and if I was over it would completely Ignore the owners. My friends noticed straight away and would make comments such as my dog really likes you and I would just laugh and they would again say nooooo he reallyyyy likes you alot he howls whenever you go home and waits at the window till you come back.

And then it got me thinking omg no way a male dog could feel that emotion or attraction or could it and that got me thinking alot and very curious. Thoughts of what would happen if I let it mount me would I be ok with it and I actually started to feel attracted I seen myself as his little bitch.

That thought never left my mind and I won’t go into to much detail but I ended up letting it mount and fuck me and it actually became a regular thing except I would often dress up in lingerie for it.

For me it was the fact something that’s considered wrong could happen excites me but the biggest thing for me I know the dog is horny but I felt like it was attracted to me and I was happy to offer myself. I still miss him to this day I felt really attached to him :(“

& If you’re still intrigued here is one more

“People who love and respect animals to this level do not see them as inferior or as some sort of “child” that cannot consent. They understand that animals are free of human constructs of “morality”, and seek out pleasure for pleasure’s sake, and consent to sex with body language.

People who engage in this most often get the most pleasure when they provide it for their animal partner, and only engage if that partner wants it too.”

Here are some facts

  • 5% of American men and 2% of American women have had at least one sexual encounter with an animal [1].
  • Prisoners who admitted having sex with animals in childhood were more likely to commit interpersonal crimes [2].
  • People with a “greater zoophilic interest” had more frequent history of childhood sexual abuse (childhood deprivation) Source
  • Some defend the idea of sex with animals as an extension of the erotic plasticity of the human sexual response that may or may not be acted upon in a way that impairs animal welfare [3].

We touched on some possible childhood deprivations that explain Zoophilia. As far as Beasteality; I heard some elements of freedom of expression in at least one story. Attention would vary & in situations that animals are obviously not consenting; control may have been a prominent childhood deprivation.

Well, this post is getting pretty lengthy so I’m going to wrap it up. There are still many really common themes in porn that I didn’t touch on but if you’re ever wondering “WHY?” when you’re scrolling; consider if they’re fulfilling one of the childhood deprivations below.  

  • Control
  • Affection
  • Attention
  • Freedom of Expression
  • Approval
  • Attachment


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  1. Adams JC, McBride EA, Carr A, Carnelley K (2010) The human-animal bond: The role of anthropomorphism in diversity and variation. Journal of Veterinary Behavior 5, 41-42.
  2. Beetz AM (2005) Bestiality and zoophilia: Associations with violence and sex offending. In A. M. Beetz & A. L. Podberscek (Eds.), Bestiality and Zoophilia: Sexual Relations with Animals. (pp. 46-70). West Lafayette, IN: Purdue University Press.
  3. Stoller RL (1976) Perversion – The Erotic Form of Hatred. New York, NY: Dell Publishing Co.